Odds And Ends

Star Scars and Day Dreams

Odds And Ends

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Odds And Ends

My classifications of people are as follows (got the idea from a book--borrowed light):

Moons: People who are interesting in their own right, but are trapped in the gravitational pull of other people.

Stars: Those bright, vibrant people that you can't help but look at, often wishing to be like them. They don't rely on anyone else--they make their own light. Some people are White Dwarfs, some Red Giants, others regular. I could go on for a while with the different kinds of 'stars' there are, but I wont :-D

Planets: Not quite as interesting as stars. They're the people that keep the moons in the pull. They often have "followers" even though they may not be what they seem. Maybe they have a red hot core and no body knows.

I am a Moon. I'm a special kind of moon you see. I am what I would like to call a receding moon-- with moons of my own. I'm still kindof in the pull of the planets, but I'm slowly going out on my own. I have a few moons of my own, people that are drawn to me. Maybe one day I won't be a moon anymore. I like to think that deep down inside I have the makings of a star :-D. What are you?

Here, read some jokes. Smile, laugh, be happy:

A blonde walked into a store and said to the man behind the counter "excuse me sir I'd like to buy that microwave." The man replied "I'm sorry lady, we don't sell to blondes." So the blonde woman went home, dyed her hair brown and went back. Once again she said "Excuse me sir, I'd like to buy that microwave." He then replied "I told you once lady, we don't sell to blondes." The lady was confused but went home and decided to try one last time. She walks back into the store as a red-head and says once more "Excuse me sir I'd like to buy that microwave." The man looked frustrated and said "Lady, I've told you twice, we don't sell to blondes!". The lady said "Okay okay, but how did you know I was blonde?" and the man replied "You know the microwave you want to buy? It's a TV."

Cinderella and the Magic Tampon

Cinderella wanted to go to the ball, but she couldn't because she was on her period. Now back in Cinderella's time, they didn't have things like tampons and midol; you just had to deal with it. So Cinderella was crying and crying when *poof* her fairy godmother appeared. The fairy godmother said "Oh Cinderella, don'y cry. Here, for you I have a magic tampon. It will keep you clean and dry until midnight, guarenteed, but at midnight it will turn into a pumpkin." (i can see all you girls cringing :-P)> Cinderella was sooo happy "Oh thank you fairy godmother!" she said as she ran out the door. Her fair godmother yelled after her a final warning "Rememer, be back by midnight!!". So the fairy godmother waited up for cinderella to come home. It was 11:58, and no cinderella. 11:59 and no cinderella. 12:00, no cinderella. In strolls cinderella around 3 am. Her fairy godmother is weeping for her and she says "Oh cinderella, my poor child! You must be in such pain!" and cinderella replied "Don't worry about it, I'm fine. My date was Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater"

These three guys were driving and their car broke down. They were in the middle of the country so they walked to the nearest farm house. The 3 guys asked the farmer if they could stay there for the night. The farmer said yeah and he told the first guy that he could sleep in the potatoe field. He told the second guy he could sleep in the barn. Then he told that last guy he could sleep in the room with his 18 wives. In the morning the farmer went to the guy in the potatoe field and asked him how he felt. He said he felt like a potatoe. The farmer went to the second guy who slept in the barn and asked him how he felt. He said he felt like a horse. Then the farmer went to the last guy and asked him how he felt. The guy said he felt like a golf ball. The farmer asked him why he felt like a golf ball and the man replied "Because I went in and out of 18 holes"

There was a brunette who HATED blondes, everyone of them. She was lost in the desert, and stumbled upon a bottle. She rubbed it and out came a genie. "I will grant you three wishes, but everything you get every blonde in the world will get twice of what you recieve.". The lady thought a moment and then said "Okay, I want a million dollars."
"Your first wish is granted, and you know all the blondes in the world just recieved two million dollars."
"I know" said the woman. "You may now ask your second wish" said the genie." The woman wished for 100 sexy guys to fall madly in love with her and do as she wants. "Granted, said the genie. But you know all the blondes in the world just recieved 200." "I know, it's alright with me." The woman said. The genie then told the woman it was time to make her third and final wish. The woman's face brightend and she turned to the genie and said "you see that stick over there?". "Yes?" said the genie. "I want you to beat me half to death with it."

Three men were searching for lost treasure in the forest. They came to a Bridge. The first man walked across, tripped on a rock, and fell over the bridge to his death. The same thing happend to the other 2 men. When they got to heaven an angel told them "You men are very lucky, for you have died by the magic rock. You will be given back your lives. If you again trip on that very rock you should scream out what you want to land on and it shall be so." So the men were given back their lives. The men got lost and were traveling in circles in the forest. Soon they came back to the same bridge. They did not know it was the same bridge. The first man walked across, he tripped on the rock and screamed out "A MILLION DOLLARS!" and he landed on a million dollars. The second man tripped and said "Beautiful women!" so he landed on beauriful women. The last man walked across and he had completly forgotten about the wish. He tripped on the rock and yelled out "OH SHIT!"

The President, the Smartest man on earth, the oldest man alive, and a boyscout were all on a plane. The plane started to crash, but there were only 4 paraschutes, and the pilot took one. There were three paraschutes left and four passengers. The President grabbed one and said "My country needs me, so I have to live" and he jumps out. Then the smartest man on earth takes one and says "The world needs my knowledge, i have to live" and he jumps out. The oldest man alive turns to the little boyscout and says "I want you to take the last one, I am very old and have lived a long and happy life." The boyscout then said "It's okay, we can both live. The smartest man on earth just took my backpack."

Little Johnny was in his second grade class and it was show and tell day. Mrs. Teacher brought in a few items and was holding them behind her back and describing them to the kids. Then the kids would raise their hands and guess what it was she was holding. First Teacher held an apple behind her back. She said "It's red, it's kindof round, and it grows on trees." Susie raised her hand and said "apple".
Teacher described the next object as "Green, a fruit and it's round." Sally raised her hand and said "A Grape?." "No it's a lime, but I like your thinking!" said Teacher. Then Little Johnny raised his hand and said "I have something to share. It's in my pants, it's kindof round, and it has a head." "LITTLE JOHNNY GO TO THE OFFICE!" said Teacher. Then Johnny said "Haha, it's only a quarter.. but I like your thinking!"